Co-Parenting vs Parallel Parenting in Illinois

Co-parenting and parallel parenting: the difference

"Co-parenting" and "parallel parenting" are everyday terms, not legal categories. Co-parenting works when parents can talk directly, adjust the schedule when something comes up and make major decisions together. Parallel parenting is meant for parents whose contact tends to turn into conflict: each parent runs their own household during their own parenting time, communication is in writing, and the plan spells out details that cooperative parents might leave open.

Many families fall in between, and a parallel plan can become more cooperative over time. Our guide to co-parenting in Illinois covers the cooperative approach.

What Illinois law says

The Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act speaks of the allocation of parental responsibilities, which has two parts: significant decision-making and parenting time.

• Significant decision-making. The court allocates to one or both parents the responsibility for each significant issue affecting the child, including education, health, religion and extracurricular activities (750 ILCS 5/602.5(b)). Nothing in the Act requires that each parent be allocated decision-making responsibilities (602.5(a)).
• Routine decisions. Each parent has sole responsibility for routine decisions, and for emergency decisions about the child's health and safety, during that parent's parenting time (602.5(d)). This is what makes parallel parenting workable.
• Parenting time. The court allocates parenting time according to the child's best interests. Unless the parents present an agreed written parenting plan and the court approves it, the court decides (750 ILCS 5/602.7(a) and (b)).

So a court does not pick between "co-parenting" and "parallel parenting." It approves or enters a parenting plan or allocation judgment, and the terms of that plan decide how much the parents must work together. For the full framework, see allocation of parental responsibilities in Illinois.

What every Illinois parenting plan must include

Each parent must file a proposed parenting plan, jointly or separately, within 120 days after service or the filing of a petition for allocation of parental responsibilities; the court can extend that time for good cause (750 ILCS 5/602.10(a)). An agreed plan must be written and signed by both parents, and it binds the court unless the court finds it is not in the child's best interests (602.10(d)). At a minimum, Section 602.10(f) requires:

1. the allocation of significant decision-making responsibilities;
2. the child's living arrangements and each parent's parenting time, by a schedule of which home the child is in on given days or a formula detailed enough to be enforced later;
3. a mediation provision for proposed changes, unless one parent has all significant decision-making;
4. each parent's access to medical, dental, psychological, child care, school and extracurricular records, unless a court order denies it;
5. which parent has the majority of parenting time for purposes of Section 606.10;
6. the child's address for school enrollment;
7. each parent's address and phone number, and place of employment with its address and phone number;
8. at least 60 days' written notice before a parent changes residence, unless impracticable or the court orders otherwise;
9. notice to each other of emergencies, health care, travel plans and other significant child-related issues;
10. transportation between the parents;
11. communication with the child, including electronic communication, during the other parent's time;
12. how to resolve issues from a parent's future relocation, if applicable;
13. future changes to the plan if specified events occur;
14. a right of first refusal, if desired; and
15. any other provision that addresses the child's best interests or helps the parents cooperate.

The address, phone, employment and 60-day notice items are not required if there is evidence of, or the plan states, a history of domestic violence or abuse, or if releasing them is shown not to be in the child's or a parent's best interests (602.10(f)). See our guide to the right of first refusal in Illinois.

How courts look at cooperation and conflict

Courts decide parenting issues by the child's best interests, using statutory factors. Several concern how parents work together:

• For decision-making: the ability of the parents to cooperate to make decisions, or the level of conflict between them that may affect their ability to share decision-making (750 ILCS 5/602.5(c)(4)), and each parent's willingness and ability to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing relationship between the other parent and the child (602.5(c)(11)).
• For parenting time: each parent's willingness and ability to place the child's needs ahead of their own (750 ILCS 5/602.7(b)(12)) and to support the child's close and continuing relationship with the other parent (602.7(b)(13)), along with the distance between homes, transportation, schedules and the parents' ability to cooperate in the arrangement (602.7(b)(9)).

These are some of many factors, and no single one decides a case. The court does not consider a parent's conduct that does not affect that parent's relationship to the child (602.5(e) and 602.7(c)), and it must determine a plan that maximizes the child's relationship and access to both parents and serves the child's best interests (602.10(g)).

What a parallel-style plan can spell out

Beyond Section 602.10(f), these are drafting choices, not legal requirements. A parallel-style plan can address:

• Exchanges: a set time and a neutral place, or pickup and drop-off at school, so parents do not need to meet.
• Communication: one written channel, such as email or a co-parenting app, with expected response times and a rule for true emergencies.
• Decisions: who decides each significant issue, so fewer decisions require agreement.
• Schedules: a detailed calendar for school weeks, holidays, birthdays, summer and travel, with notice deadlines for vacations. See school schedules and parenting time and co-parenting on holidays such as Halloween.
• Information: how school, medical and activity information is shared, so neither parent depends on the other for updates.
• Calls with the child: when the child can call or video chat with the other parent.
• Disputes: a mediation step before court. Section 602.10(f)(3) requires one unless one parent has all significant decision-making.

Specific terms leave less to argue about and make it easier to show whether the plan is being followed.

Mediation, safety and orders of protection

The court must order mediation to help parents create, change or carry out a parenting plan unless it finds impediments to mediation (750 ILCS 5/602.10(c)). In Cook County, mediation is mandatory for initial allocations of parental responsibilities unless an impediment exists, and Family Court Services provides child-related mediation at no cost by court order. Its mediators screen each parent separately for impediments, and the screening is kept confidential, even from the other parent. See is mediation mandatory in an Illinois divorce.

Parallel parenting reduces contact, but it is not a safety plan. If the court finds after a hearing that a parent's conduct seriously endangered the child's mental, moral or physical health or significantly impaired the child's emotional development, it must enter orders needed to protect the child, which can include supervision, exchanges through an intermediary or in a protected setting, and limits on a parent's communication with or proximity to the other parent or the child (750 ILCS 5/603.10(a)). If there is abuse, talk with a lawyer about an order of protection and read about orders of protection in child custody cases. If you are in danger now, call 911.

Parenting coordinators for high-conflict cases

Under Illinois Supreme Court Rule 909, a court may appoint a parenting coordinator, a licensed mental health or family law professional, when it serves the child's best interests and the parents have failed to cooperate and communicate, cannot carry out the plan, mediation has failed or is inappropriate, or the parents agree, among other grounds. The court first considers any allegations or evidence of intimate partner violence.

A coordinator can make recommendations on issues such as pickup and drop-off, holiday scheduling, extracurricular activities and minor schedule changes, but not on the allocation of decision-making, the initial allocation of parenting time or changes beyond minor ones, relocation, or support and property. Parents follow the recommendations unless the court rules otherwise on a motion, and they pay the fees as the court orders or as they agree (Rule 909(f), (g), (j) and (k)). In Cook County, Local Rule 13.10 applies; the court keeps a roster of approved parenting coordinators and may appoint one at a reduced fee or pro bono for parents who cannot afford one.

Changing the plan later

Under 750 ILCS 5/610.5, parenting time may be modified at any time on a showing of changed circumstances that makes a change necessary to serve the child's best interests. A motion to modify decision-making generally cannot be filed within 2 years after the order unless the parents agree, a Section 603.10 restriction is involved, or affidavits give reason to believe the child's present environment may seriously endanger the child's mental, moral or physical health or significantly impair the child's emotional development. A minor change, or one both parents agree to, can be made without changed circumstances if it serves the child's best interests (610.5(e)).

See when to modify a parenting plan in Illinois and our child custody modification page. Changing parenting time can also affect child support; our guide to 750 ILCS 5/505 explains how overnights count.

How Chicago Family Attorneys can help

Chicago Family Attorneys represents parents in parenting plan, allocation and modification cases in Chicago and Cook, DuPage, Lake and Will Counties, from its office in Chicago. The firm can draft or review a parenting plan, prepare you for mediation, ask for or respond to a request for a parenting coordinator, and seek or respond to a change to a plan.

Full representation is an initial payment of $1,500 to $2,500, then $500 to $650 per month beginning 30 days after the initial payment while representation remains active. Limited scope drafting starts at $500, and one hearing appearance starts at $1,200. See custody and parenting time fees. Fees are confirmed in writing before you engage the firm, and no lawyer can promise a particular result.

Consultations are by phone; a free weekend consultation is available by Zoom. Learn more about the firm's work as a Chicago child custody lawyer, or call 312-965-5618.